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Posts Tagged ‘responsible’


Our middle daughter has moved out of the house since July and is thoroughly enjoying being independent.  She is learning to be more responsible for herself, her things and her life. She is given more responsibilities at work, training others and new challenges. She is becoming more mature and accountable. How do I know that? When she said to her younger sister, while visiting at home recently, that she (her younger sister, K) needs to grow up, that she has no idea how lucky she is not having to do her dishes by hand or buy her own groceries, that she doesn’t realize how spoiled she is when everything is taken care of by the parental units.

If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you that I don’t think I would hear something like this or experience her telling it like it is to her younger sister for years yet. She sure grew up and matured an awful lot in a short few months. Despite my objection, she got herself a little kitten to take care of as well – another added responsibility.

In fact, she and K have been getting along so much more nicely since living apart from each other. They even spent time together once in a while, socializing with common friends, enjoying each other’s company, double dating, confiding in each other and shopping together for Christmas. I’m so glad … that’s what being sisters is all about.

Tonight, she offered to treat me for dinner for the first time, nothing fancy, but delicious nonetheless, AND we had a wonderful time together. It seems that she has survived managing her limited budget after all, at least well enough to spare and treat her mama dinner. What an AWESOME reality to know that she IS able to live on her own and has become such a beautiful responsible young lady! I am so proud of her. AWESOME day!

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Our middle child moved out in the summer, we hardly heard from her unless we called her. She is enjoying her independence and freedom. On the other hand, she is facing the reality of having no extra money since everything she earns goes to rent, utility, internet, transportation and (barely enough) food. In her words, “her social life sucks”. In order to have more money to socialize, she is now working a second job for the same restaurant chain.

Apparently the restaurant business is amazingly smart. They wouldn’t give her a second job in the same restaurant where she is already working, but at another branch in another city (it takes her more time and money to get there), so they don’t have to pay her overtime or give her enough hours at the same restaurant to warrant her a full time employee and give her benefits. Despite the appalling treatment, our daughter accepts it citing that she is still an apprentice with them. While I applaud her “suck it up” attitude, I can’t help but feel for her being taken advantage of.

With his younger sister now independent, our eldest has been itching to move out again – can’t be out done by a younger sibling! So it now looks like he too will be moving out next month. But this time, he is moving out with his girlfriend … there will be new learning and adjustments, I’m sure. I hope they will both treat this as a commitment, not a trial co-habitation experiment.

Our youngest child is still home, sort of. She is treating home more like a hotel and comes and goes as she pleases most of the time. When she didn’t come home one night (she stayed with her sister), she scared us out of our wits when we discovered her empty room in the morning. We found this disrespectful behaviour unacceptable. After some frantic calls and texts and profusion of apologies, she swore she would never do it again, things calmed.

While I accept that this day will come (the empty nesting stage) … it is coming faster than I’m prepared for it. It is AWESOME that they are being independent and more responsible, it IS what we hope for our children. Two down, one to go.

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Why do I keep getting the argument that “I’m 18, I’m legally not a minor anymore … I don’t need a curfew!”?

There is a difference between a curfew and a request to come home at a decent time so I don’t worry. So, is it just different perspectives or is it my innate control freak speaking? There is this funny thing about moms (and may be dads too) that we have an invisible radar that is on all the time, sensing whether our children are home safe or not. Despite my attempt to sleep soundly, I tend to startle myself awake at various intervals and I can’t go back to sleep, because I’m sub-consciously worrying about our daughter getting home, imagining the worst things.

She, our daughter, on the other hand, feels that I worry un-necessarily and should trust her judgments, coming and going at whatever time she pleases. I know I should try harder to trust her, what I am worried about is the environment she is in and the people she is with, not all of them including my own are always responsible and mature, after all they are all still teenagers. Coming home at almost 4 in the morning and not telling us much aside from the address and phone # is not particularly mature or responsible in my eyes. I also worry about her being peer pressured into doing something stupid, against her good judgment.

In our most recent spat, after a couple days of calming down on both our parts, and risking not having a relationship at all, I conceded that I might have over reacted. I opened up a conversation and explained why I worry and what I request is not all unreasonable (OK, may be sometimes it is) – how much she really understands and accepts, I have no idea. At least we are talking again in a civilized way.

Only time will tell how mature and responsible she really is. All I can say is that I can try to be an AWESOME mom, but I make mistakes all the time too (sigh!). Being an AWESOME mom sometimes requires me to be an unwanted disciplinarian, rule enforcer and overall – so why do I always feel like I’m the bad cop in the good cop bad cop game?

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